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    Fine, but we're in the digital age. I want a...

    Fine, but we're in the digital age. I want a talking codpiece, one with a deep virile voice and laugh, and a generic midwest accent.

    Guy who's buying my sailboat: So, you'll take $5,000?
    Me:...
  2. The part about Pelosi and Hillary doing the...

    The part about Pelosi and Hillary doing the watusi naked during the midnight covens where the kidnapped children are divvied up for prostitution or for cannibalism?
  3. Here's what we learned, or shoulda learned from...

    Here's what we learned, or shoulda learned from 2016-present: democracy is not that robust an institution, not that foolproof a system, not that cemented, bolted, and buttressed as a structure. It...
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    I can't wait for the first Barbie to be made on...

    I can't wait for the first Barbie to be made on Mars!! I predict Hot Pants Martian Barbie will be the top-demand toy for Xmas '22. Anti-maskers need to get ready for the Movid-19 virus, which will...
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    Harkins is showing his boss his new ad poster for...

    Harkins is showing his boss his new ad poster for the Tite-Grip Nails account. He puts the poster on the easel and it shows Jesus on the cross with a smiling centurion in the foreground, saying,...
  6. I'm picturing the maid at Rudy's place finding...

    I'm picturing the maid at Rudy's place finding dark brown stains running across the pillows and converging on the sheets.
  7. I feel the same. It was considered a...

    I feel the same. It was considered a heart-catching coming of age story when it was released. To me, now, it seems less substantial, and it plays off the plot of Tea and Sympathy too much for...
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    A little hillbilly girl runs in the house from...

    A little hillbilly girl runs in the house from playing with her friends. She says, "Ma, is it true what Dwayne says? He says babies pop out where the boys stick their wieners. Is that true?"
    Her...
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    I can see Melania signing the forms and licensing...

    I can see Melania signing the forms and licensing Trump's cadaver to be fitted with pulleys, stretch rods, and a voice simulator so that he could be Mar-a-Lago's anthropomorphic greeter. ...
  10. If Rolfe P. Crum of Tulsa and the Bishop --...

    If Rolfe P. Crum of Tulsa and the Bishop -- BISHOP!!! -- of Oklahoma say it's so, well, by golly, you know you can take it to the bank. What motive would a white bishop (I'm still trying to absorb...
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    clown car

    clown car
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    Not only drained -- he's pushing this "I'll be...

    Not only drained -- he's pushing this "I'll be reinstated, sooner than you think" line. I know his followers swallow anything, so far, but, c'mon, aren't there limits? How long can they be pulled...
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    I did the same with a very buxom, giving,...

    I was constantly referred to psychologists as a child. Always due to "underperformance" at school. It never made me a "good student" but it did give me some insight into how people are not only...
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    What's the difference between a chick pea and a...

    What's the difference between a chick pea and a lima bean?
    Trump never paid $1000 to have a lima bean on his face.
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    Yahweh's Fawning Weasel (a term of distinction in...

    Yahweh's Fawning Weasel (a term of distinction in OT times.)
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    No, no, and no. That's illusory -- that ANYTHING...

    No, no, and no. That's illusory -- that ANYTHING would bestow on you the "right" to make a decision for a woman on the limits of her bodily autonomy and reproductive choices. The legislators who...
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    Fun fact, from Psych 101: Leon Festinger of...

    Fun fact, from Psych 101: Leon Festinger of cognitive dissonance theory developed the Impossible Whopper.
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    over easy

    over easy
  19. Not sure I am following you, at all. This sounds...

    Not sure I am following you, at all. This sounds exactly like what you'll hear Squeaky Fromme say about Manson, if you google her 2019 interview -- "I am honored to have known him. Charlie never...
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    I swear I thought Limbaugh keeled over dead.

    I swear I thought Limbaugh keeled over dead.
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    boner donor

    boner donor
  22. RSV (1946): "...every soul that does not listen...

    RSV (1946): "...every soul that does not listen to that prophet shall be destroyed from the people."
    Good News Bible (1966): "Anyone who does not obey that prophet shall be separated from God's...
  23. Himmicane is my favorite drag queen. She puts on...

    Himmicane is my favorite drag queen. She puts on a fabulous show -- one hour, but it goes by too fast. She does Cher imitating Bette Midler and Lindsey Graham imitating Celine Dion.
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    Right wing TV is a fright, but the loony birds I...

    Right wing TV is a fright, but the loony birds I hear going on about their conspiracies in the locker room, etc., are usually quoting psychotic social media posts. They've seen some photo-shopped...
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    Etch a Sketch requires patience and coordination....

    Etch a Sketch requires patience and coordination. There are basic hand-eye and eye-foot skills in life, like picking up water bottles and walking down ramps. I could see Trump printing something in...
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