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  1. 9 out of 10 actuarial analysts will tell you:...

    9 out of 10 actuarial analysts will tell you: houses with bathtub Madonnas in the front yard NEVER get hit by lightning. If the Madonna's in the side yard, 80% coverage. In the back yard or...
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    Hmm. I prefer the kangaroo scrotum coin purses...

    Hmm. I prefer the kangaroo scrotum coin purses that I've seen on eBay. And them things are real.
  3. Yep. The Bible is tribal. Nothing is dumber...

    Yep. The Bible is tribal. Nothing is dumber than the preacherly line about the Bible speaking with one moral voice, having one streamlined moral code, as opposed to being utterly...
  4. Devout atheist here. Love music, landscapes,...

    Devout atheist here. Love music, landscapes, lit, film, Bruegel, standup comedy, good coffee, Shoo-Fly pie, English accents, the expressions on a dachshund's face...and I wouldn't cheapen any of it...
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    God forbid Rod the Blob should sell a blunt in...

    God forbid Rod the Blob should sell a blunt in South Side Chicago. Then he'd deserve to rot in prison.
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    Because Edna needs a reason to bring creamed corn...

    Because Edna needs a reason to bring creamed corn to the Methodist potluck. And that is cosmic.
  7. Just curious -- do you find the final revelation...

    Just curious -- do you find the final revelation that Jehovah makes to Job to be sensible/wise/inspiring?
  8. Books are more dangerous than guns. Just ask...

    Books are more dangerous than guns. Just ask Nicholas II and Anastasia. I do belong to the NBA, and you can have my books & coffee mug when you pry 'em out of my cold, stiff fingers. But I want to...
  9. Yes, but don't limit it to cultural literacy. ...

    Yes, but don't limit it to cultural literacy. Read it for its humor (the same way you'd read stuff uttered by Charles Manson, Harold Camping, or Trump) and read it for the porn.
  10. Time to calm down and analyze your chances of...

    Time to calm down and analyze your chances of exposure, b/o lifestyle, proximity to vectors, etc.
    In my case:
    1- Reside in American Midwest
    2- Vegetarian and do not eat seafood
    3- Had a Chinese...
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    And how about the modern classics: Marky Mark...

    And how about the modern classics: Marky Mark (1992) with the immortal inscription, "I wanna dedicate this book to my dick", or the magisterial Justin Bieber: Just Getting Started (2102), in which...
  12. Reminds me of an episode of Curb... where someone...

    Reminds me of an episode of Curb... where someone asks Larry if he believes in miracles and he says, "Yes. I think every erection is a miracle."
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    Bernie in the 2016 N.H. primary: a 60% win....

    Bernie in the 2016 N.H. primary: a 60% win.
    Bernie this week: 25.7%.
    That burn is a fairly small sizzle. I agree with Mr. Penguin above: Emperor Trump would squat pretty hard on Bernie.
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    Lake Wobegon Days, by Garrison Keillor -- mainly...

    Lake Wobegon Days, by Garrison Keillor -- mainly because I've owned a copy for 20 years and want to get it off my shelf. It has its moments, but it is hardly a novel, as Wikipedia terms it -- it's...
  15. "Spiritual" puts me in a funk, because the word...

    "Spiritual" puts me in a funk, because the word is absolutely without meaning. Or it can mean whatever you want it to. And people who use it to self-identify use it with pride; it distinguishes...
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    Yes. The American epitaph comes from a Canadian:...

    Yes. The American epitaph comes from a Canadian: You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.
  17. He would drink the tap water by accident and fall...

    He would drink the tap water by accident and fall dead with smoke coming out of his mouth.
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    Hard to Hold Shaft Er… 1. Hard to Hold 2....

    Hard to Hold Shaft
    Er…
    1. Hard to Hold
    2. Shaft
    There.
  19. Can he at least get a cell next to Susan Smith?

    Can he at least get a cell next to Susan Smith?
  20. Pretty much agree with the above. I sometimes...

    Pretty much agree with the above. I sometimes wear a "Smile There Is No Hell" shirt -- esp. on the holy Sabbath -- just to goose them. As to the weird stuff they believe about atheists, try...
  21. From what I can see, they worship their goddamned...

    From what I can see, they worship their goddamned phones. Think about those phones all day. Heed them instantly. Have a personal relationship with their phones. Are lost without them. With a...
  22. But thank God (or the fates, or your Aunt Hannah)...

    But thank God (or the fates, or your Aunt Hannah) that we'll never see the day when those who don't eat, say, pork, want to kill those who do eat pork.
    Right?
  23. (OP): Yeah, they do. I like to tell religious...

    (OP): Yeah, they do. I like to tell religious door-knockers upfront that I'm an atheist -- it shortens the transaction, unless they're truly, incorrigibly faith-filled. Their parting line is...
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    The Spy Who Loved Me

    The Spy Who Loved Me
  25. I've never seen a satirical take on what Trump...

    I've never seen a satirical take on what Trump says when he prays....perhaps because you'd have to be nuts to suppose that he has a 'prayer life'. Why pray when you sincerely believe there is no...
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