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    If that's real, that beats all. Before I saw...

    If that's real, that beats all. Before I saw that, I thought the breaded, deep-fried dill pickles at the state fair were the absolute worst. But chocolate lollisprouts? I need my waste basket a...
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    How does Jesus whack off? He palms his crotch...

    How does Jesus whack off?

    He palms his crotch and waves his hand in and out.
  3. Don't muss the pompadour!! He'll need it in...

    Don't muss the pompadour!! He'll need it in prison, as Big Gold.
  4. A local business still has the flag at half mast,...

    A local business still has the flag at half mast, in memory of the victims of the last batch of mass murder. At this rate, Old Glory will be adroop indefinitely. (Knowing the owner, though, if...
  5. I like to keep an open mind. Are we absolutely...

    I like to keep an open mind. Are we absolutely sure it wasn't a 400-pound genius sitting in bed and playing with his computer?

    (Actually...substitute turd for genius and that's Trump's...
  6. Is that authentic Sun Tzu talk? Because it...

    Is that authentic Sun Tzu talk? Because it sounds like Yoda.
  7. Liberty University -- THE Liberty, in Lynchburg,...

    Liberty University -- THE Liberty, in Lynchburg, Virginia, has no policy statement that restricts its transgendered, cross-dressing, or drag queen students from participating in any sporting event...
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    Wait 'til Trump pops off. You'll need more...

    Wait 'til Trump pops off. You'll need more gigabytes.
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    And four years, two months later, some of that...

    And four years, two months later, some of that man's most fervent, criminal idolaters hunted her in the halls of the Capitol, calling her name derisively in falsetto voices. They would have wrung...
  10. Not clerihews, but the thread was going...

    Not clerihews, but the thread was going unsubscribed as it was:

    Neil Young (1974):
    I never knew a man could tell so many lies
    He had a different story for every set of eyes
    How can he remember...
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    I taught "social studies" (what a repulsive...

    I taught "social studies" (what a repulsive title!) to the 5th grade for about 15 years. The focus was American history, and it became my favorite subject because, as with reading class, a good...
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    I think they keep moving farther into the...

    I think they keep moving farther into the universe as man's pesky snooping powers increase. They're a private bunch and they don't like being watched. I mean, look how they handled the Tower of...
  13. Shit can be used as fertilizer. Another metaphor...

    Shit can be used as fertilizer. Another metaphor is needed, one that comes down heavier on the useless/destructive side. I favor bloated orange maggot.
  14. Dept. of Unfalsifiable Claims, Desk Twenty-Three,...

    Dept. of Unfalsifiable Claims, Desk Twenty-Three, Drawer Five, File Folder Seventeen. Ask for Dep. Peabody.
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    That's an essential. Exodus 20:13: Thou shalt...

    That's an essential.
    Exodus 20:13: Thou shalt not kill.
    Deuteronomy 20:17: ...but you shall utterly destroy them, the Hittites and the Amorites, the Canaanites and the Perizzites, the Hivites and...
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    He's something to see. The hair is a mix of...

    He's something to see. The hair is a mix of brunette Howdy Doody, 80s TV evangelist, and the hairstyle Elvis rocked in his '65 movies, that shiny creosote look. And every sentence is...
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    The implication for freethinking parents is, I...

    The implication for freethinking parents is, I think, simple. Wait for a suitable age (say, north of 6th grade), pick a calm moment in the day, and tell your kid that you want to clear up the Matter...
  18. Right. The GOP has to be running scared. Their...

    Right. The GOP has to be running scared. Their base has been radicalized to the point that they can't see any new approach that will keep the faithful on board. So, instead of doing what most...
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    I'm glad you brought it back to kids at the end. ...

    I'm glad you brought it back to kids at the end. How terrible it is to indoctrinate kids in a religion, especially if there's a hell in it. It calls a halt to their curiosity and critical thinking,...
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    The defense tries to make a Big Meaningful Point...

    The defense tries to make a Big Meaningful Point about handcuffed perps still being a threat -- but Chauvin is anything but threatened in the video. He is calm, assured, and firmly in control. He's...
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    Religion checks an awful lot of boxes for people....

    Religion checks an awful lot of boxes for people. It presents a story, with iconic characters, that purports to answer all questions about meaning and purpose in life. No thinking required, no...
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    I know a joke about trickle down wealth, but 99%...

    I know a joke about trickle down wealth, but 99% of you won't get it.
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    That's rich. Let one of our righties post a...

    That's rich. Let one of our righties post a silly "woke" quote, no matter who said it, and there's a scrimmage of condemnation and "See, that's what they're like."
    Greene happens to be an elected...
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    He who snorted it, teleported it.

    He who snorted it, teleported it.
  25. Make that some people. "Fergie" cured me of any...

    Make that some people. "Fergie" cured me of any interest I had, back in the 80s. They're like kryptonite to me, or really, just lint in the air. I can't really dismiss your point, though,...
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