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Thread: You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Serve On A Starship, but...

  1. Top | #21
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    The ‘ritual fight to the death.’ Member of the command staff manipulated into a trial by combat vs. the native champion.

    Tellarate officer comes off the starting position without hesitation, kills. His willful participation impresses the natives, a treaty is signed.

    Andorian officer comes off the starting position without hesitation, kills. His willful participation honors the native culture, a treaty is signed.

    Vulcan officer refuses to participate in the barbaric ritual. His stoic death impresses the natives, a treaty is signed (though the poor showing in the ratings means something of a trade deficit, at least in the beginning).

    Romulan officer comes off the starting position without hesitation, kills. His casual attempt to take a trophy horrifies the natives, they vow never to pull this shit on Romulans ever again. They put this in writing, a treaty.

    Klingon officer comes off the starting position already swinging the detached spine of the arena liaison. Kills the champion, everyone in the champion’s corner, comes over the wall to kill the judges. ‘Signed in blood’ takes on a new meaning in the native law books as a map of the spread gore and bodily fluids spatter becomes the defacto treaty…

    Ferengi officer exploits a loophole, hires a Klingon stand-in…

    Humans bemoan the barbarity of resolving diplomatic issues through violence, try very hard to educate the natives in a non-bloody alternative while carefully avoiding any actual interference in their customs. The ‘prime directive’ is mentioned exactly as often as the word ‘barbaric’ is used. In the end, having no remaining aces up their sleeves, the Human officer rolls up his sleeves, fights, stops just short of landing the fatal blow, and repeats the highlights of all previous discussion in a speech about the march of progress and mutual respect. Natives sign the damned treaty to get him off the air, they still have another twenty duels lined up for the holiday weekend.

    "Log, supplemental. Engineer has nothing but excuses for not installing a TV Remote at the Captain's Chair. Instead, have to complete the redundant ritual every time. Helm or Scanner or Weapons says there's something interesting in scanner range. Then nothing happens until the senior officer actually directs them to 'Put it on screen.' Like it's a surprise that I want to take the view off of the screen saver and LOOK at the new thing to LOOK at. FMC.*"

    *Fuck My Command

  2. Top | #22
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    The isolated scientist(s). The ship stumbles upon or is summoned to a planet where the sole example of Federation civilization is a four-building compound of nonspecific functions and one to ten researchers who make the characters in Ten Little Indians look like a My Little Pony sleepover.

    For the rest of the Federation, and most of the galaxy, the term ‘isolated scientist’ brings to mind someone with a private level on an orbital research facility, maybe an individual orbital platform or, if extremely well-funded, a facility on the nearest moon. These scientists have the advantage of communication with peers and government oversight, and the proximity of rescue workers and trauma care. It would never occur to them that researchers would be so isolated as to have to hope any and all crises occur coincident with the starship’s annual supply visit, or that an entire planet could be judged to be the appropriate domain of one researcher or a small group investigating a single issue.

    As part of the pre-Academy prep school all non-humans attend to prepare them for life in a substantially human environment, the film Forbidden Planet is watched many times over, and discussed in great detail.

    Klingons held pretty much the same view as the majority of Federation members for most of their history. After isolated scientists literally BLEW UP the Klingon home world’s moon, however, they appropriated Forbidden Planet as the model in their research application process.

    Humans, on the other hand, evidently never, ever, ever watch Forbidden Planet, or were drunk when they did. They just pull into orbit, hail the facility, and beam down, sometimes not even armed.

  3. Top | #23
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    The Lost Earth Colony discovery. Two cultures have had space faring technology during a period of chaos that prevented record keeping and a follow-up:
    1) Earth during and immediately after the Eugenic Wars.
    2) Vulcan when they invented the Romulans.
    So, explorers find either a schism empire, or penny ante settlements all over creation.
    he starship trips over a human colony and-

    Tellarate crew marks their location, avoids them.

    Andorian crew marks their location, avoids them.

    Vulcan crew launches a space buoy so everyone can avoid them.

    Humans arrive, identify the colony, announce that they’re ready to ‘rescue’ the colonists, who left Earth with the express desire to rescue themselves at the cost of having community with the rest of the rest of the human race, because they think mainstream civilization is over/under intellectual, over/under violent, over/under whatever trigger issue drove them to deep space. Unless a doomsday meteor is directly overhead and visible in full daylight, the ‘lost’ colony will demand continued isolation, thank you very much. And the crew leaves a Vulcan space buoy in orbit...

    Ferengi crew blackmail the Hoomans. Pay us, or we tell the rest of Hoomanity where you’re hiding…

  4. Top | #24
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    I have a question. I have only watched the original Star Trek series. If I were to watch another, which, if any, do you recommend?

  5. Top | #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Playball40 View Post
    I have a question. I have only watched the original Star Trek series. If I were to watch another, which, if any, do you recommend?
    I like them all, personally.

    I'm wearing a Star Trek themed Hawaiian shirt right now...

    I'd probably start with the animated series. They had some of the writers from the original series, and with animation, there's no reason NOT to do shows with pyramids, flying snakes, giants, shrinking, Kzinti and so on... Kinda suck-ass Saturday Morning animation, but fun stories.

    Everyone had a bit of trouble adjusting to Next Gen. A LOT more talking in the stories, less punching aliens in the throat.

    Deep Space 9 had more of a story arc than the original. Rodenberry always saw TOS as an anthology. What happens in episode 3 may have absolutely no bearing on episode 5. DS9 had a bit more continuity. And less swanning about the galaxy poking shit...

    Voyager had the exploration, but the first season really sucked from their efforts to remind us 'we're all alone' and 'we have limited resources' and 'surrounded by enemy,' over and over and over. They settled into the set-up eventually.

    Enterprise took three seasons to hit their stride and show what the cast was capable of. Unfortunately they didn't hit that stride until they'd already been axed...

  6. Top | #26
    Intergalactic Villainess Angry Floof's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Playball40 View Post
    I have a question. I have only watched the original Star Trek series. If I were to watch another, which, if any, do you recommend?
    I think they're all good, except for the reboot movies. Those might be good in a different way, but they don't have the ST heart. They may be Hollywood-good, but I don't like them.

    My favorite is TNG. It's like the King James version of ST series. It just has special charm that makes it popular in the ST world. I think the charm is due to 1) great stories, 2) Patrick Stewart, and 3) Lt Cmdr Data.
    The Authoritarians

    GOP and Trump supporters will not be able to say they didn't know. Vote in numbers too big to manipulate.

  7. Top | #27
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    The Admiral’s pet research project (for stealth, weaponry, or diplomatic advantage) violates Federation law, or policy, or treaties with another space species.

    Tellarite CO turns the Admiral in. The chips may fall as the Maker wills.

    Andorian CO turns the Admiral in. The chips may freeze but the wind still blows.

    Vulcan CO turns the Admiral in. Of course.

    Humans being well prepared for an insane admiral (seriously, it’s like you can’t make senior rank unless you’re at least partially unstable. Admirals, Commodores, Senior Captains of Starfleet just seem to pop up like clockwork with a toxic fascination with violating every oath they ever took. Kirk’s second XO was the son of an insane Commodore, and his own career as an Admiral ended after several acts of piracy that nearly involved the Federation in another war with the Klingons), they carefully navigate the lunacy in an attempt to preserve anything worth salvaging from the plan or project, without risking interstellar conflict or bad evaluations come their next opportunity for promotion, and the eventual chance to effect THEIR pet project…

  8. Top | #28
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    The human ship is the ONLY starship in the quadrant available to respond to the situation. Because…

    The nearest Tellarite ship is checking in at a Tellarite colony that shares a planet with ‘a lost human colony.’ They can’t transmit or the humans will discover the Tellarites, and come over to describe the trigger that made them leave Earth.

    The nearest Andorian ship is towing a 21-laboratory orbital platform, and a 60-person habitat, into the vicinity of a unique star for a 30-specialties study of an upcoming stellar event. They are in full stealth mode so the isolated scientist on the 4th planet’s 3rd moon will think he’s the only one conducting research here. They get so pissy about ‘these constant interruptions’ and ‘intrusions’ in their important discoveries.
    The Denobulan ship is at red alert, all weapons ready for action, orbiting a temporal anomaly. They will not reply to any fleet-wide orders until the Antaran ship relieves them as scheduled. Radio signals from Earth come out of the anomaly, everyone is tense. Which Earth? Future? Past? Alternate? No one can sleep…

    The nearest Vulcan ship is the one that left an anonymous tip about the situation, which involves human debris connected to a violent time in Earth’s cultural history (or more succinctly, ‘from Earth’s history.’). They want nothing to do with the thing.

  9. Top | #29
    My Brane Hertz spikepipsqueak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angry Floof View Post

    My favorite is TNG. It's like the King James version of ST series. It just has special charm that makes it popular in the ST world. I think the charm is due to 1) great stories, 2) Patrick Stewart, and 3) Lt Cmdr Data.
    That ^^^

  10. Top | #30
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    The crew must face their worst fears when… Have we done parasites? When space parasites attempt a takeover through manipulating their minds, projecting their greatest fears.

    Klingons’ respond violently to the virtual threat. They beat their worst fears so badly the virtual violence actually harms the microscopic parasites…

    Tellarites’ worst fear is that everyone’s having fun without them. The parasites’ projections are all out of sight and pretty much useless.

    Vulcans refuse to admit to a greatest fear, even when faced with it. Boogeymen lose all power when they keep having to wave a sign that says ‘I’m really here, dork!’

    Andorians’ greatest fear is that they’ll come in second to the Vulcans in anything. The parasites’ boogeymen have to beat the subjects over the head with the signs…

    Romulans are even more afraid of losing to Vulcans in any contest. The sign-waving boogeymen also have to yank fingers out of pointy ears to shout ‘STOP SAYING LALALALA, SCHMUCK!’

    Ferengi initially give in to fears of pain, death, maiming and being eaten by mung beetles, but giving in means loss of profits, which turns out to be THE biggest shared fear of the crew, but the parasites suck at EXCEL spreadsheets and are defeated.

    Humans are the only race to have made an industry of fear, which they then explored in depth. The parasites find a veritable smorgasbord of options, from haunted houses, through bungee jumping, base jumping, cliff diving, and playing chicken at high speeds. The crew only barely notices the parasites as the invaders keep gleefully examining the many, many options.
    “Hey, XO, you know what I haven’t thought of in years?”
    “What, Captain?”
    “Roller coasters.”
    “Mmmm. Roller coasters…”
    “We should look for a roller coaster program on the holodeck!”
    “Yeah! A… A…”
    “What?”
    “A SPACE roller coaster!”
    “Genius!”

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