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Thread: You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Serve On A Starship, but...

  1. Top | #31
    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    Just spent the lunch hour trying to imagine riffs on 'There are some things mankind was never meant to know.'

    The story about the researcher (usually isolated, heh) whose discovery uncovers forbidden knowledge, or an invention that threatens the very foundations of civilization as we know it. Or the recovery of an extinct life form that went extinct for a good goddamned reason, or the reassembly of a religious icon that becomes a portal for someone/something that becomes a threat to all life. Hint, if you find fragments of a shrine to a god you cannot identify, and idly touch two together and they seal without any form of adhesive stop touching shrine fragments...

    But I can't get past "some things mankind was never meant to know" without imagining Spock, T'Pol and Tuvok shouting 'No SHIT! Have you SEEN what they do with knowledge?"

  2. Top | #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Playball40 View Post
    I have a question. I have only watched the original Star Trek series. If I were to watch another, which, if any, do you recommend?
    The one thing I hated about TNG was the episodes where a character would make a life long friend... and never hear from them again. The great thing about Babylon 5, they were able to usually get characters from earlier seasons back into the show.

    DS9 was better than TNG, like Dukat's daughter not merely being a one episode side character.

    TNG was unique, at its moment of time. There wasn't much like it elsewhere. I'd recommend starting Season Two first. The biggest problem I have with it now (other than I've seen it too many times), is the characters don't really mature that much. You can pretty much take any episode and put the cast into it with no problem (minus the changing doctor thing).
    DS9 has a long story to tell. I'm watching it again (for the fifth time I think), watching every episode. The arcs and how characters develop for the good, for the bad, is fresher than TNG. Usually past events matter somehow. The final season didn't have enough to fill a season, so it takes a while to finish.
    Voyager... sucked. So much potential, and they blew it.

  3. Top | #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keith&Co. View Post
    Just spent the lunch hour trying to imagine riffs on 'There are some things mankind was never meant to know.'

    The story about the researcher (usually isolated, heh) whose discovery uncovers forbidden knowledge, or an invention that threatens the very foundations of civilization as we know it. Or the recovery of an extinct life form that went extinct for a good goddamned reason, or the reassembly of a religious icon that becomes a portal for someone/something that becomes a threat to all life. Hint, if you find fragments of a shrine to a god you cannot identify, and idly touch two together and they seal without any form of adhesive stop touching shrine fragments...

    But I can't get past "some things mankind was never meant to know" without imagining Spock, T'Pol and Tuvok shouting 'No SHIT! Have you SEEN what they do with knowledge?"
    I can't get past the utopia that is Earth and the peaceful loving Federation... was at non-stop war, it seemed for over ten years. I can only imagine the peace protests on Earth.

  4. Top | #34
    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    Kinda wonder about the self-destruct sequence on Federation starships.
    Gotta figure that Vulcans got the contract for it.

    The slow, steady, monotone countdown. The number of seconds remaining until oblivion clearly stated so they can know which unsolvable math problem to devote their final moments to...

    Tellarites would have included an ad. "For an additional thirty seconds, say 'hold' and have your space credits card handy..."

    Ferengi would have a bidding war. "If you feel the self destruct was precipitous, you can exstend the countdown in 30 second increments, say 'Hold,' and have your space credits card handy. If you believe self-destruction is necessary, you can speed the countdown in 30 second increments, say 'Boom,' and have..."

    Andorians are not as dispassionate as Vulcans, and the voice would at least reflect the urgency of each passing moment. "Twenty. FIFTEEN. TEN! I'M NOT KIDDING, FIVE!

    Humans would have made it something of a surprise. Like when you pull the trigger on an old-fashioned revolver, the 'bang' is supposed to come as a surprise? "Self-Destruct in Twenty...Nineteen...Eighte-I LIED! HAHABoom!"

    Romulans would shatter your nerves, first, with a hangfire. "Three....Two...One............Bang. Nope, still here. I'll try again. BANG! Huh. Okay, I see what happened. NOW I got it. Bang. Bang-Bang-Bang! Did that work? Fire and ice, how did they wire this... Oooh, what's that! Shit, this is going to take a while. Relax, people and-"FABOOM!

  5. Top | #35
    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Higgins View Post
    I can't get past the utopia that is Earth and the peaceful loving Federation... was at non-stop war, it seemed for over ten years. I can only imagine the peace protests on Earth.
    I dunno... You figure that the Federation leaders would be a lot more competent and less emotional. Starfleet has humans at the top, but the Federation Council, and the Federation President, are seldom portrayed as humans. If we're at war, they must figure there was a damned good reason for it, the explanation for which is available online at 'fulltransparency.fed.'

    Humans on the council probably regularly demand satisfaction for the diplomatic equivalent to 'that thing they said that one time about Our Charlotte,' but get voted down, maybe given a cookie and told to go have a lie down.

    And if anyone else starts a war with the Federation, they send in the humans. 'Cry havoc and let slip the howler monkeys.'

    "Mr. President, the Packtriads are suing for peace."
    "Have they been invaded, yet?"
    "No, sir, but the humans have control of the high orbitals."
    "Are they preparing to invade?"
    "Sort of... They're firing phasers and drawing sixty-mile-long penises across the farmland areas."
    "Ah. Stage five. Let me know when they reach stage seven, we'll sign a peace treaty before they start boiling the lakes to make gumbo...."
    "Yes, sir."

  6. Top | #36
    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    Accidental/oblivious marriage -
    An officer on an Away Party innocently takes an innocent and nearly arbitrary action, such as holding a door for a woman, buying a souvenir from her, or preventing her ritual suicide, and is surprised to find that by HER culture, they are now married. This is not in the literature for this planet/culture/species. Very probably a first-contact situation, there IS no literature.

    Tellarate officer shrugs. Divorce would violate the Prime Directive. Shucks. Darn. Are your bags packed, darling?

    Andorian officer checks to see if they're biologically compatible. "I keep our stateroom at minus 3 degrees." Prime directive doesn't apply if SHE initiates divorce.

    Vulcan officer informs her that he is already betrothed/married and his wife will welcome her to the household with grace and compassion. For up to six years. Then go absolutely fucking ape on an interloper when the blood boils and the mating ritual breaks out in homicidal rage. Prime directive doesn't apply when...

    Romulan officer for the first time in his life expresses appreciation for the Federation's Prime Directive. "Two to beam up directly to my quarters."

    Klingon officer joyfully slaps his bride to initiate conjugal relations. Prime directive does not apply to Klingons, nor would it apply when the trauma unit emphatically forbids any further contact between the two.

    Ferengi officer giggles, beams directly to his quarters, and if the transporter tech could keep her clothes from manifesting at the other end of the transport, that'd be terrific. And tell the casino master to prepare for a new D'Abo girl.

    Human officer bemoan the barbarity of coerced and/or surprise entanglements, basically places his bride in protective custody and tries to educate her away from even wanting to be given away to the space traveler from space. Many scenes whereby her basic assumptions and cherished traditions are shown to be primitive, misogynistic, and wasteful. So, basically, the Prime Directive is the basis for denying her every desire and forcefully convincing her that EVERYTHING SHE EVER KNEW WAS WRONG. Then get her a job at a space station doing whatever she wants as long as it's not 'be Mrs. Human Officer.'

  7. Top | #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Playball40 View Post
    I have a question. I have only watched the original Star Trek series. If I were to watch another, which, if any, do you recommend?
    ST: Voyager, anything with Seven of Nine...

    What?


  8. Top | #38
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    Seven of Nine

  9. Top | #39
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    Entire Enterprise Crew suffering from mid-life crisis as they realize their careers haven't advanced in the 7 years they've been on the ship!

    Meanwhile the Officers on the Bridge suffer trying to keep a straight face after Captain Picard emerges after having a rather noisy bout of space diarrhea in the ready room bathroom.

    Starfleet announces extremely high enlistment bonuses for red uniform positions as hiring drought for those positions extends to over three years since OSHA report released indicating significantly higher death rate.

  10. Top | #40
    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    Interesting point. Do other races even have redshirts?

    Tellarites log four probes beamed down to the surface, analyzing the temperature, atmosphere, biosphere, and background radiation before authorizing a landing party.
    Andorians, as above, but add two probes and also scan the immediate area for signs of technology that may catch a landing party by surprise.
    Klingons as above, four more probes checking for explosives in the air, dirt, rocks, natives, plants, sunshine, clouds, and shadows.
    Romulans as above, but two more probes to check the other probes for Obsidian Order booby traps.
    Vulcans as above, minus paranoia. And they do it with one probe.

    Humans beam straight down, take deep breaths, see if anyone dies. "Away team to Bridge; we're alive. We're gonna go touch stuff, now."

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