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Thread: "The Friendzone" and persistence

  1. Top | #71
    Deus Meumque Jus
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bronzeage View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by rousseau View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by WAB View Post
    I find almost everything about sexual relationships embarrassing, and I tend to be most content to stay well within the friend zone.

    If I am attracted to a woman, I will automatically act nonchalant around her, because I find the very idea of trying to impress or attract her incredibly embarrassing.
    If you're concertedly trying to impress someone, you've already lost.

    Typically a relationship will either work, or not, the circumstances just have to be right when it can work. Usually both parties have a stable job, are single, have mutual chemistry and attraction, and want a relationship. If all of those pieces fall into play all you need to do is ask them to hang out, and it's a done deal.

    The tricky part there is chemistry, a big component of which is your confidence. You can do a lot of dumb shit, but you have to be confident about it. Don't pay for their meal? Sure, why not? Just be confident in what you're doing. Outside of that I think there is also something of a 'genetically compatible' aspect of relationships. Some pairs just aren't meant to be.

    But trying to impress someone? It doesn't work like that. Typically, you impress people by not trying to impress them. If you be yourself, and they find you to be an impressive person, all you have to do is show up. This makes things even easier because the people who are unimpressed automatically filter themselves out.
    Of course, and misspell words on a job application, just so you don't look too eager.

    Can we think of any other desire which depends on the good will of another person, where we think it would be a good idea to deliberately not try to impress them?

    This is the set up for a sit-com where the guy and the woman both go home and tell their room mate, "I think he/she is great, but he/she didn't notice me."
    Depends. Take something like Linkedin for example.

    On many profiles those with the least amount of experience often say the most words. It's a strategy that might work some of the time, but usually it just implies that you're trying to cover up for your lack of experience and know how.

    Where those with the most amount of experience can just say 'I've worked for these 5 companies for 15 years', so you know you can count on me. Words are unnecessary because their accomplishments speak for themselves.

    Similarly, if you're in the dating game and have a middle-class salary, car, house, and are an emotionally adjusted person you don't need to buy roses and chocolates. Just show up, be a kind person, and keep showing up until you're making her breakfast. And so the most viable relationship strategy is being the type of person someone would want to be with, the second one would be persistence.

    So I guess it's not so much 'don't try to impress', but rather 'impress with things that actually matter'.

  2. Top | #72
    The Doctor's Wife RavenSky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Derec View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by braces_for_impact View Post
    I fail to see why this is so hard. If you value a woman's friendship, then you're not upset to be in the "friend zone."
    That's a scant consolation when you really wanted something more. Especially when it happens over and over again.
    Which exactly proves the point Brace was making.

  3. Top | #73
    Intergalactic Villainess Angry Floof's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Derec View Post
    It's still better than being ignored by all women.
    I don't ignore you, sweetcheeks!
    The Authoritarians

    GOP and Trump supporters will not be able to say they didn't know. Vote in numbers too big to manipulate.

  4. Top | #74
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    Interesting thread. Here's something I didn't read in it:

    Are we talking mere sex or are we talking marriage / committed long term relationship? It often pivots dramatically between genders depending on the answer.

    Is this culture or biology at work? Both.

  5. Top | #75
    Cyborg with a Tiara
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angry Floof View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Derec View Post
    It's still better than being ignored by all women.
    I don't ignore you, sweetcheeks!

    I think he means you’re not having sex with him, therefore your interactions are considered “ignoring _him_” since apparently paying attention to him means paying attention to his dick.

    Many of us interact with Derec daily, but he continues to claim “all women ignore him.” Or maybe since he does not have access to our vaginas, we are not “women” in his universe.

  6. Top | #76
    Shrunken Member WAB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angry Floof View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Derec View Post
    It's still better than being ignored by all women.
    I don't ignore you, sweetcheeks!
    I'm jealous. You never call ME sweetcheeks!
    If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to a library. - Frank Zappa

  7. Top | #77
    Cyborg with a Tiara
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    Men can be so needy

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