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Thread: These Christians Are Speaking Jesus Gibberish to Help Trump Defeat Witchcraft Read more at http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/23/these-christians-are-speaking-jesus-gibberish-to-help-trump-def

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    Veteran Member phands's Avatar
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    These Christians Are Speaking Jesus Gibberish to Help Trump Defeat Witchcraft Read more at http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/23/these-christians-are-speaking-jesus-gibberish-to-help-trump-def

    Bunch of bloody idiots....


    How do we solve all the problems plaguing Donald Trump and his administration? The answer is impeachment to pray away the witches.
    In other words, the Irrational want to protect the Immoral from the Imaginary.
    At least that’s the #ChristianLogic deployed by Alabama Pastor John Kilpatrick of the Church of His Presence in Daphne. Over the weekend, he asked his congregation to pray against the “witchcraft that’s trying to take America back over.” And by witchcraft, he means the “Deep State.” And by Deep State, he means whatever bullshit he’s making up because he refuses to acknowledge the scandals RIGHT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE’S EYES.
    (Who knew witches were the ones who paid off all the women Trump had affairs with before the election?)
    And just to make sure their exorcism was truly effective, they spoke in Jesus Gibberish. (Wait until the 3:19 mark…) . Video at https://www.facebook.com/11667893508...1848136380412/

    “I am not being political, but I don’t see how President Trump bears up under it,” Kilpatrick said in his sermon. “He is as strong as I’ve ever seen a man be. But here’s what the Holy Spirit said to me last night and what He said for me to tell you. He said, ‘Tell the church that so far, Trump has been dealing with Ahab. But Jezebel’s fixing to step out from the shadows.’ That’s what the Lord said to me.
    “He said, ‘Pray for him now, because he said there’s about to be a shift, and the Deep State is about to manifest, and it’s going to be a showdown like you can’t believe.’ So, I’m coming to you as a prophet, as a man of God, and I’m telling you, it’s time to pray for the president.”
    …He then began speaking in tongues, and added, “We’ve got to pray for this man.”
    He spoke in tongues more, and shouted out, “God make him bold, make him strong! Preserve him, Holy Spirit! Keep him, Holy Spirit! Preserve him, Holy Spirit! Don’t let him lose his voice! Make him stronger than ever, Holy Spirit! Let no weapon be formed against him that will knock him out of power. Strengthen him, Lord! It’s time to pray, church. I believe our nation is in the balances.”

    That’s not what I heard. I heard “Shabarabolobogunudeboyo.” Followed by “Sonoboayayandoowehjqwlkdnaslkreiurwqoejqweq.”

    Just like Jesus told the disciples.
    Nowhere in that sermon clip did they pray for the hundreds of immigrant children who were ripped away from their parents and remain separated because of an irrational and cruel policy pushed by Republicans in the White House.
    They did, however, pray for Melania.
    Don’t just roll your eyes at all this: These are the kinds of Christians currently running the country. They really believe this bullshit. And the Republican Party is doing everything it can to accommodate their every wish. They need to be voted out, every last one of them.
    (via Raw Story. Thanks to Randal for the link)

    Read more at http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2...Z2URreqTc4o.99
    “Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.” Terry Pratchett

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    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    And when the prayers, in Jesubberish, are completed, and the 'persecution' continues, will they say, "I guess it's all part of God's plan."?

    I mean, God DOES promise to grant every wish prayer, as long as the request is from a True Christain, and the desire is in accordance with God's plans. So if they're not willing to consider they may not be Christain enough for their prayer to be effective, they would HAVE to conclude that the state of affairs that obtains after their prayer must be IAW God's desires.


    Or they'll blame the liberals. Somehow.

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    Contributor Cheerful Charlie's Avatar
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    Monkey chattering noises......
    Cheerful Charlie

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    Sapere aude Politesse's Avatar
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    Jesus was a magician.

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    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Politesse View Post
    Jesus was a magician.
    This is my body, this is my blood.... Judas, this is your card.
    (Disciples gasp)

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    Super Moderator
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    His being a magician would explain the biblical passage about how he jumped out with a big "TA DA!!!" after freeing himself from that locked tomb his assistants had put him in during the dinner show.

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