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Thread: The morality of searching for your birth parents

  1. Top | #31
    Veteran Member Tigers!'s Avatar
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    There are those who are adopted who do not wish to find their birth mother after being adopted.

    My brother was a foundling. He was left on a hospital door step when 2 days old. There were no identifying marks on him or the clothes he was wearing.
    My parents adopted him and he is as much a part of our family as myself and my sisters.
    Victoria changed its laws quite a few years ago to allow adoptees to find out their birth parents if said parents were willing.

    My brother does not wish to know. He says he was abandoned by his mother and has no wish to find her. Unless she came forward with date and time of my brother's leaving it is not possible to find her.

    My brother was left in 1968. It is surmised that she was very young and had lots of pressure to give up the baby. My parents have told my brother that his mother probably had no real choice due to the times and the circumstances. I am very glad he was not aborted.
    Adoption always seems to be to be preferable to abortion in almost all cases.
    NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

  2. Top | #32
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    Sure Tiger. There will always be exceptions to most things in life. My opinion was just based on my reading about the experiences of people in these situations. And, of course there are children who have no desire to know who their birth parents are, but from what I've read, these may be in the minority.

    As far as abortion goes, I think we should leave that decision up to the woman who is pregnant. It's her choice to make. Naturally once an individual is born, friends and family value them.

    As I said earlier, it's difficult to say who is right or wrong when it comes to what each individual wants in cases like this. But, Rhea does have a point. There is probably a less public way of searching for one's birth parent. But, since the rise of social media, a lot of people seem to think it's fine to put every little problem and detail of their life out there for all to see. It's certainly changed our culture, imo, for the worse.

  3. Top | #33
    Mazzie Daius fromderinside's Avatar
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    I'm confused. Until the last few generations there was essentially no evidence of such pursuits taking place. From what then is morality established.

    I guess one can argue about one side or the other if one wishes, but, morality? Right and wrong in current context doesn't rise to anything like being a moral issue.

  4. Top | #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by untermensche View Post
    Is there any real moral issue here?

    A grown person is curious about their parents and family.

    Finding out can be a good or bad experience.

    This is an issue of wisdom not morality.

    Is it wise to seek knowledge that may hurt you as opposed to living without knowing?
    Of course it is an issue of morality. Any action that can cause harm to another is the definition of an issue of morality, and actions taken to contact or publicly reveal your birth parents can cause them harm.

    Gathering knowledge for oneself is not in itself an issue of morality, but it can be if you use tactics that expose others to such potential harm.

    OTOH, morality is also impacted by whether the person harmed contributed to it and/or lacks fault or innocence. I agree with others that when child is simply abandoned (like in the OP case), the parent has contributed more to problem and thus is responsible for more of the negative impact that any such search for them entails. Birth parents owe their offspring information about them, not just for medical reasons but for psychological well being. Of course, there are situations where the birth parent fears harm if they go through the formal adoption channels to supply that information. That doesn't excuse it, because we don't except fear for oneself as an excuse to harm an innocent third party. But it does mean we should take steps to ensure that mothers are shielded from such harm and feel as comfortable as possible going through formal adoption channels. IOW, the process should be completely confidential and private for mothers of any age.

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