Parenting Megathread

[spikepipsqueak]

Perhaps she, also, is feeling that everything is in flux at the moment. You are stressed and she will be feeling it, but I think you are wise to get professional help,

Something from 2nd year Psych that may help in the meantime.

Think of her as a bucket containing attention. You need to give her your attention until she indicates she doesn't need it any more. Her bucket will be full when she walks off to do something else (then you will feel successful, but deserted). The buckets of children who feel bereft of attention can be hard to fill, and hard to keep topped up.

Sometimes when you are playing a game or driving somewhere they can open up about what is worrying them. They often can't do that when asked. Sometimes they don't know what is worrying them.

I really feel for you.

[Toni]

Seriously freaking out over my daughter's mental health. She had an incident today in school where she decided to punch a classmate in the face because she ran into line instead of walked. What bothered me was that she wasn't angry. This, in connection with a couple incidents within the past week we caught her being mean to our cat, that make three incidents of non-anger related violence. And she has noted on multiple occasions recently, a "voice" is commanding her to do these things. Now children will be children, and will say certain things and have decent sized imaginations, and I might be making too much of this, but I am fearing that she actually is suffering from a serious early onset mental illness, which connects too many dots. She is already in therapy, but we'll need to kick it up a few levels because either I need a doctor to tell me to calm the heck down, or to diagnose her with what I'm fearing and get her treatment. Luckily, have a professional psychiatrist in the extended family, though he works with adults, but it'll at least be a start before getting her to a local pro.

I really hope I'm making too much of this, but I really don't think anyone knows her better than I. For an empathetic child, she seems to lack remorse at times and revels in attention when she has done something wrong. (Oddly enough, she is the only female I can easily read. ) Between everything else from marriage to my dad to my daughter's behavior... there is little beneath my feet that seems steady.

That does sound as though you are wise to be concerned and to kick things up a notch or so and that you have some resources on which to draw. I’m really sorry that you have so much going on right now. Things do seem to pile on that way, don’t they? It’s as though the universe decides to be efficient since we are in worry/stress mode and simply cram as much as possible all at one time...it could be as simple as your daughter unconsciously reacting to the stress you all are feeling.

I hope that you get some answers and some support IRL.

[Jimmy Higgins]

I was trying to figure out if there is a correlation to her actions and stress at home. And there is more than I'd like to admit, but the overlap isn't complete there.

I did look up that apparently 1 in 12 children hear voices, so apparently it isn't as uncommon as I initially thought. She says she doesn't hear anything else, which is encouraging.

The other good news is where she is receiving therapy, they do have programs for the harder to deal with mental illnesses. We talk with the in family professional tonight and then move on from there.

[Rhea]

Seriously freaking out over my daughter's mental health. She had an incident today in school where she decided to punch a classmate in the face because she ran into line instead of walked. What bothered me was that she wasn't angry. This, in connection with a couple incidents within the past week we caught her being mean to our cat, that make three incidents of non-anger related violence. And she has noted on multiple occasions recently, a "voice" is commanding her to do these things. Now children will be children, and will say certain things and have decent sized imaginations, and I might be making too much of this, but I am fearing that she actually is suffering from a serious early onset mental illness, which connects too many dots. She is already in therapy, but we'll need to kick it up a few levels because either I need a doctor to tell me to calm the heck down, or to diagnose her with what I'm fearing and get her treatment. Luckily, have a professional psychiatrist in the extended family, though he works with adults, but it'll at least be a start before getting her to a local pro.

I really hope I'm making too much of this, but I really don't think anyone knows her better than I. For an empathetic child, she seems to lack remorse at times and revels in attention when she has done something wrong. (Oddly enough, she is the only female I can easily read. ) Between everything else from marriage to my dad to my daughter's behavior... there is little beneath my feet that seems steady.

Oh, no, Jimmy - that sounds very frightening. You are right to get some additional evaluation for her. If it is "nothing," then you will find out what's upsetting her subconsciously. If it is more serious, the earlier diagnosis the better. I so hope it is not anything severe and you are able to help her move forward. This sounds like a tough one. <3 <3 <3

[southernhybrid]

I don't really have any advice, but I am sorry that you are dealing with both your dad's illness, and your daughter's behavior. Hopefully, a good counselor who understands symptoms of childhood mental illnesses will be able to help her.

And, of course, your daughter may not be suffering from a mental illness. She might just be going through a temporary stage and reacting to the stress that you are feeling in your life. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. Kids can act out when they are feeling stressed. Maybe that's all that's going on with her, but I can understand your concern.

[ruby sparks]

I was trying to figure out if there is a correlation to her actions and stress at home. And there is more than I'd like to admit, but the overlap isn't complete there.

I did look up that apparently 1 in 12 children hear voices, so apparently it isn't as uncommon as I initially thought. She says she doesn't hear anything else, which is encouraging.

The other good news is where she is receiving therapy, they do have programs for the harder to deal with mental illnesses. We talk with the in family professional tonight and then move on from there.

Hi Jimmy,

I've only just noticed the thread and am sorry to hear of what is going on for you and your family. Sympathies and empathies.

Just reading back a little I see that you mentioned an issue your daughter had with Alexa, and I was wondering if that was in any way related to what she is experiencing or describing about the voices?

[rousseau]

Seriously freaking out over my daughter's mental health. She had an incident today in school where she decided to punch a classmate in the face because she ran into line instead of walked. What bothered me was that she wasn't angry. This, in connection with a couple incidents within the past week we caught her being mean to our cat, that make three incidents of non-anger related violence. And she has noted on multiple occasions recently, a "voice" is commanding her to do these things. Now children will be children, and will say certain things and have decent sized imaginations, and I might be making too much of this, but I am fearing that she actually is suffering from a serious early onset mental illness, which connects too many dots. She is already in therapy, but we'll need to kick it up a few levels because either I need a doctor to tell me to calm the heck down, or to diagnose her with what I'm fearing and get her treatment. Luckily, have a professional psychiatrist in the extended family, though he works with adults, but it'll at least be a start before getting her to a local pro.

I really hope I'm making too much of this, but I really don't think anyone knows her better than I. For an empathetic child, she seems to lack remorse at times and revels in attention when she has done something wrong. (Oddly enough, she is the only female I can easily read. ) Between everything else from marriage to my dad to my daughter's behavior... there is little beneath my feet that seems steady.

Sorry to hear. As others mentioned likely the right choice getting her checked out, but to me this behavior doesn't sound that alarming for someone of her age. Morality and empathy are mostly learned, some never learn it.

To me it sounds like you're over-estimating how much of a 6 ( 7?) year old's behavior is deliberate and planned, and not random experimentation toward socialization. I could be completely wrong so yea, get her checked out. Probably too early to panic, though.

[Jimmy Higgins]

The adult psychiatrist in the extended family says not to worry, at least over the extreme potential options. Based on his advice, we'll likely shift where my daughter is going to somewhere else and make with a full diagnostic.

I still have serious concerns, but talk did help to quell the more exotic concerns (and yes, I was aware they were exotic).

I had written a note to the teacher regarding what had happened and our discussion with our daughter over it. The 'funny' thing was her teacher was almost defensive for our daughter, indicating that her behavior in class is actually great, it is just in transitions where she gets overly impulsive. Our (parents) concern is our daughter getting suspended because they do stuff like that these days with First Graders.

[Toni]

The adult psychiatrist in the extended family says not to worry, at least over the extreme potential options. Based on his advice, we'll likely shift where my daughter is going to somewhere else and make with a full diagnostic.

I still have serious concerns, but talk did help to quell the more exotic concerns (and yes, I was aware they were exotic).

I had written a note to the teacher regarding what had happened and our discussion with our daughter over it. The 'funny' thing was her teacher was almost defensive for our daughter, indicating that her behavior in class is actually great, it is just in transitions where she gets overly impulsive. Our (parents) concern is our daughter getting suspended because they do stuff like that these days with First Graders.

Yeah, suspension over striking another student happens at every level, as a matter of course. Including preschools and kindergarten. Zero tolerance and all of that. This happened when our kids were in school, as well. The exceptions seemed to have been for kids who had IEPs for behavioral issues. They never got suspended. Being the kind of community it is, that was the right call as for those kids, home was no place for a kid. So, the kid would be in in school suspension instead. Or simply talked to.

[crazyfingers]

My daughter is 19. She should take drivers ed and get her drivers license. She had a "peer mentor" through Department of mental health who met her twice and said she would teach my daughter to drive and no need for drivers ed. Then she was reassigned.

Daughter does not want to take drivers ed. Wants to just get her license.

Our position, no drivers ed? Ok. We don't pay for insurance and she doesn't drive any of our cars and at some point we stop driving her around.

She thinks our position is not reasonable. Ok. That's her opinion.

So when do we refuse to drive her places? She has a bike.

ETA by the way, my 17 year old boy is willing to take drivers ed. He has been slow to come around but when my dad died in August we suddenly got handed to us a Subaru Impreza AWD. Model 2006 but less than 60k miles on it. Really a perfect ride for a teenager.

We had not been so keen on any kids driving my wife's Toyota Sienna van or my still new Subaru Outback.