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Thread: Things that make you laugh...

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    Intergalactic Villainess Angry Floof's Avatar
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    Things that make you laugh...

    ...that are not images or videos.

    Whatever random junk cracks you up - overheard conversations, comments on facebook, crazy stuff your kids and pets do, any old nonsense... this is the place for you to post it so we can all crack up.

    I'll start.

    As I was typing the above, I typo'd "poast" instead of "post." For some reason that cracked me up.

    Also, funny sisters. Sister A is staying with Sister B and Sister A is now referring to Sister B as "Ursula" (as in Ursula the Sea Witch). lol

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    Elder Contributor Underseer's Avatar
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    I just watched a video review of a JRPG by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw in which he hilariously described the genre as "teenagers using the power of friendship to kill god."

    As a fan of JRPGs, I can't believe I never noticed that before, but it is a bit of a cliche. The description made me snicker.

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    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    my son's girlfriend woke up this morning to cops on the front porch.

    Turns out her mom keeps butt-dialing 911....

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    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    I'm getting laser surgery on my eye, again. Not to improve my vision, but to burn away problematic blood vessels at the back.
    Which reminds me of my first time.
    I only had vision in one eye, the retina had become detached in the other one. Surgery was scheduled, but i was bleeding and doc wanted to fix that.
    Forty-eleven times, they said bring someone to drive you home. I was terrified that the laser treatment would be like a permanent after-image.
    I drove there myself, the wife left work and met me at the clinic. We would come back the next day for my car.

    There were 441 zaps into my left eye.
    I got up and was amazed at how well i could see. A nurse offered to lead me out to the waiting room, but i was fine. I could see the walls, i could see the people, i could tell the difference between doors and walls and the mural. I was fine.
    I went out into the waiting room, up to my wife's chair, and said i thought i was good to drive home.
    She held up her hand and asked, "How many fingers am i holding up?"
    I turned away from the frightened woman in the seat i'd left my wife in and said, "Oh! You're over THERE! .................Well, as long as you came down here, maybe you should drive."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Keith&Co. View Post
    There were 441 zaps into my left eye.
    Holy crap. I'd had enough when they used 50 to fix a detachment.

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    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hurtinbuckaroo View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Keith&Co. View Post
    There were 441 zaps into my left eye.
    Holy crap. I'd had enough when they used 50 to fix a detachment.
    Did you hear that little 'pop' in your eye? The one that sounded like frying bacon sizzling, just only ONE snap?
    Freaked me out the first thirty or forty times it happened....

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    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    So, when i fly, i take along a hand puppet. Artemis, the Skunk.
    He's come in handy a few times, calming babies or toddlers on the plane who are just tired of being on the plane or in the terminal.
    I got voted the most valuable passenger on one flight.

    Anyway, Artemis stays in my room on business trips because i generally don't need to calm sailors down. And if i do, then beer works better than fluffy skunks.

    Most trips, if i leave him in the bed, he's on top of the pillows when i return.

    Two trips ago, the staff must have had a slow day. The bed was made, the towels changed and trash emptied... And Artemis was in a pillow fort. He had them piled up around him, one on top, but he had a clear view to the TV. And he had the remote. And a bag of chips (unopened).
    Very cute.
    There may be no meaning to this world, but that does not mean that what I do is meaningless.
    -Mark Lawrence

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    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    So i have three kids. Boys. Ages 20, 25 and 20.
    I had a satori on an airplane some time ago. If a baby cries, it's not my problem. My kids were all in their teens and no grandchildren on the horizon.

    It was a wonderfully freeing moment.

    I don't have to try to figure if he's wet or if she's bored or if there's anything i can do to shut her the hell up.
    I don't have to apologize to anyone else that the kid's high note is so high that it's only technically within human hearing because what you 'hear' is the echo of its affect upon your own spine.

    It's just....noise. I can even make eye contact with other people while the baby cries. Sometimes i play with the puppet to calm them, but i don't HAVE to, you see? No one's going to think less of me as a parent for that baby crying.

    So, on my last flight, there's a 9 month old who is not quite prepared to sit on one of two laps for five hours. He's certainly not in the mood to nap.

    A couple hours into the flight, he's getting fractious and the dad apologizes to me. "Hey," I explained, "I have three. If he's not asking me for money or for a new phone, the screaming doesn't bother me."

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    Veteran Member prideandfall's Avatar
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    yahtzee again, talking about skyrim's 'open world' aspects vs. needing to follow the plot:
    "if you don't feel like it, you can walk 78 miles in the opposite direction, put a cooking pot over a dog's head, and swat at his knackers with a woodsman's axe until it howls itself deaf."

    which is... so absurd and awesome of a turn of phrase.

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