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Thread: Things that make you laugh...

  1. Top | #2661
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keith&Co. View Post
    "Keith, what does conjecture mean?"
    "Guess."
    "It's not like i'm asking you to help with my homework, jackass, i just don't know a fucking word!"
    Well, I'm sure any native speaker who is old enough to be expected to understand "conjecture" knows several profane words for the reproductive act!

  2. Top | #2662
    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Loren Pechtel View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Keith&Co. View Post
    "Keith, what does conjecture mean?"
    "Guess."
    "It's not like i'm asking you to help with my homework, jackass, i just don't know a fucking word!"
    Well, I'm sure any native speaker who is old enough to be expected to understand "conjecture" knows several profane words for the reproductive act!
    Everyone in the conversation is a former sailor, so, fuck yeah.

  3. Top | #2663
    Veteran Member Wiploc's Avatar
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    Gadzooks!

  4. Top | #2664
    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    I have a grand-daughter. 7 days old.
    She does not fuss when grandpa holds her. Just curls up, makes little fists, and snoozes.
    Okay, full disclosure, she doesn't fuss when either grandparent hold her, but Grandma &Co. doesn't crow about it.

    I was holding the little Weeker when mama decided she would hold the baby so i could eat dinner. Baby instantly made noises, squirmed, spat out the pacifier.
    I said, 'not saying it's significant, but when _I_ held her, she was quiet for an hour.'
    Mama didn't SAY anything, but she did gesture to invite me to go have sex with the wall.
    But then, next time i offered to hold her, Mom quickly and easily handed the baby right over to grandMA. A worthy opponent....

  5. Top | #2665
    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    The morning we left our hotel, it was 0600 and fucking dark. I glanced up, and the arrangement of room windows lighted and unlighted, struck me as resembling a punch card.
    My wife and i both used punched tape and/or punch cards during our enlistments, so i pointed it out to her. She agreed.
    Finished packjng the car, looked up again. Wondered if it would be TOO nerdy to tell her i figured out which floor was the parity bit?
    Before i could decide, she turned to ke and asked, 'Did you notice it's odd parity?'

    I dunno if souls exist, but i know i found my soulmate.

  6. Top | #2666
    Intergalactic Villainess Angry Floof's Avatar
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    Overheard: "Now I am not a physicist, not by any means, but I have been taught by people who have studied with people who work closely with physicists."

    Yeah, if you're going to talk about physics, make sure actual physicists are at least six degrees away from you.
    Last edited by Angry Floof; 01-02-2020 at 12:17 PM.
    The Authoritarians

    GOP and Trump supporters will not be able to say they didn't know. Vote in numbers too big to manipulate.

  7. Top | #2667
    Loony Running The Asylum ZiprHead's Avatar
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    When conservatives realize they cannot win democratically, they will not abandon conservatism. They will abandon democracy.

  8. Top | #2668
    Veteran Member Arctish's Avatar
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  9. Top | #2669
    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    My division had our annual post-holiday party. I ended up at a table with a coworker who served on my first sub with me. He decides to embarrass me, just a bit. There ARE choices i made 38 years ago that i would regret reliving today, esp. with my manager and my wife at the table, but he chose...
    The Time Keith Shaved His Eyebrows.

    This is not embarrassing. I trimmed my eyebrows just a bit each day to see if anyone noticed. No one seemed to. So one day i just shaved them off entirely. But i wore those thick, Navy-issue eyeglasses. Clark Kent style. So no one could quite tell the difference.
    I kept getting weird looks. "Did you get a haircut?" "No." "Well, you look different...somehow."

    Someone finally figured it out, told on me. I got to talk to several officers. Then they let it go.

    A month later, Weps was giving his annual training to the crew on security concerns. INcluded 'The Personnel Reliability Program, or PRP, which has every member of the program watching the other members. There were key words, tricky phrases, 'triggers,' if you will, for suspicious behavior that might indicate a security risk.
    He puts the transparency up on the screen listing 'Bizarre Behavior.'
    In every watch section he gave the training to, someone asked, "You mean like shaving your eyebrows off?"
    "No," he replied each time. "If that had been ANYONE ELSE, it would have been bizarre behavior. But when Petty Officer Keith did it, we, uh, we just were glad it wasn't right in front of an inspector."

  10. Top | #2670
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    During the Sydney 2000 Olympics, I was still living at home and in my second year of Uni. My parents made the decision that most sane Sydney-siders had at the time and got the fuck out of there, specifically take a holiday to the States to meet up with some old friends who moved there and now live in Spokane. I was a uni student with no money, given the opportunity of a free holiday so of course I tagged along. In my youth, I was kinda a dick (surprising, I know). As a prank, I convinced the daughter of Old Friend's neighbours that because of Australia's commitment to the Kyoto Protocols, the Government is rolling out the legal use of riding kangaroos to work, with the intent of reducing greenhouse gas emissions. The internet was a relatively new thing and the early 2000s was a much more innocent time.

    These guys are my new heroes:

    (View video on YouTube)
    Last edited by Patooka; 01-14-2020 at 02:33 PM. Reason: spelling

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