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Thread: Crazy Bible Stories

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    Crazy Bible Stories

    Since I'm a long-term atheist, it's unlikely I'll ever be asked to run a Sunday School class, but I am stock-piling my favorite crazy-ass Bible stories, just in case. I feel that youngsters have been fed the same old stories over and over -- Adam & Eve, David & Goliath, etc, etc, when there are so many lesser-known but memorable stories to tell. I would love to tell the young (really love to tell the young) what's inside the covers of their little Bibles, that their other teachers omitted. Here are some tales that deserve to be better known:
    1) Gen. 30 - the magic way to breed goats with stripes, using...striped sticks!
    2) Ex. 17: 10-13 - Israelites are battling the Amalekites but are only winning when Moses has his arms in the air, holding up a magic stick. Again with the sticks. This could lead to a fun outdoor activity with the class divided into Israelites and Amalekites, playing Dodgeball. Me holding up a yardstick.
    3) Judges 7: 2-8 - Gideon can tell which of his 10,000 men will be victorious warriors by watching & evaluating how all 10,000 of them drink spring water. Easy to play-act at the water cooler.
    4) Judges 14: 1-19 - Samson uses God's power to murder 30 guys and take their clothes, all so he can pay off a bet he'd set up involving a 'riddle' that you'd have to be Samson to solve, because he's the only one who had seen a bee's nest inside a dead lion (long story). I would have the class take out their crayons and illustrate this one.
    So the point is, share the wonder. Hopefully, the kids would retell these stories on the drive home. "Hey, Dad, Mom, wanna know how to get striped goats when you don't already have any striped goats?"

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    Veteran Member Sarpedon's Avatar
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    I don't remember the citations for these, but I seem to remember the following stories:

    Curing poison by looking at a statue of a snake
    Curing the curse of hemerhoids by making golden models of hemeroids.
    the conquest of the 'peaceful, unsuspecting people'
    When the other disciples lock Peter out because they thought he was dead, and the voice calling was his spirit.
    When Paul's sermon was so boring a guy fell asleep and fell out a window and died.

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    Excellent! The guy who fell out the window is in Acts 20. Paul miraculously (?) revives him. My students could re-enact this by falling off their desks.

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    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    i would have them either individually draw the biblical cosmology, or as a group project, make a world diorama.

    God spent all of the 2nd day of Creation just on forming the sky. The solid firmament keeping the Waters Above from drowning everyone.

    In Job we find that the Earth is a big flat mud pie spread across the Wates Below.

    Or the 1-day life of the sun? “In them [the heavens], a tent is fixed for the sun, who comes out like a bridegroom from his wedding canopy, rejoicing like a strong man to run his race. His rising is at one end of the heavens, his circuit touches their farthest ends; and nothing is hidden from his heat (Psalm 19:4-6).” so the sun has a little doghouse down below where he gets the night off, rising up each day to run across the sky.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Keith&Co. View Post
    so the sun has a little doghouse down below where he gets the night off, rising up each day to run across the sky.
    .. racing around
    To come up behind you
    again...

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    Contributor DBT's Avatar
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    Something about God walking on the Dome of the Sky looking down on the folks below. Jacobs ladder where the Angels climb up and down between Heaven and Earth, apparently invisible to the Mortal Eye.

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    Super Moderator Atheos's Avatar
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    Well to be fair Jacob's ladder can be brushed aside because it was just a dream he had.

    God walking around the camp (of Israel) at night and getting pissed off because he stepped in shit and ordering people to take a spade with them when they have to go ... that's pretty funny.

    Yahweh can't see in low light like he used to.

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    Contributor DBT's Avatar
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    The symbolism of a dream of course, yet when Jacob awoke, in awe he called the place the gateway to heaven. Not to be taken literally, yet an invisible Ladder between heaven/above the dome of the sky and the earth kind of fits together in terms of sheer silliness.

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    Jonah living inside a whale is a good one.

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    Contributor skepticalbip's Avatar
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    Jesus wanted some figs but the fig tree didn't have any. This pissed Jesus off so he cursed the tree and it died.
    ~ Matthew 21

    For your sunday school class, you could have the kids destroy anything that upsets them (like dull crayons). In honor of Jesus' lesson, of course.

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