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Thread: Violence during consensual sex has become normalised

  1. Top | #31
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    In a way sex is a violent act, male pentation of a woman.

    In ou liberal culture if a man or woman likes to be beaten black and blue during a sexual encounter they are free to do so.

    Violence related to relations between the sexes goes back to the early days of movies. Clark Gable and James Cagney rose as actors after scenes of abusing women. Women of the day sw it as strong men. They liked the tough guy characters. The woman objects, the man overcomes and dominates. A recurring theme in the first James Bond movies.

    Personaly if somebody likes physical abuse rrelated to sex they should get counseling.

  2. Top | #32
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    As we know now the so called upright Christian families were plagued with lysogeny and spousal abuse.

    Today the renegade Mormon polygamists.

  3. Top | #33
    Veteran Member Lion IRC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gun Nut View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Lion IRC View Post
    It's not a misunderstanding of the conversation.
    A person CAN simultaneously engage in behaviour they enjoy yet wish they could cure themselves of that same desire.
    Thank God we have Christians around to tell us what those things are... Like Homosexuality.. amiright.. amiright?
    Natural selection deserves some of the credit.

  4. Top | #34
    Contributor repoman's Avatar
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    There has been a MASSIVE uptick of antiporn sentiment from the right in the past month. One theory is that this is deep state op to force Real ID for porn which will be used for everything and social dissent (like against bullshit pink/femme washing by corporate neoliberals) will be utterly crushed.

    The dissident right will be even more fucked by Real ID requirements to access the internet. Psychopaths like Rachel McKinnon will control the debate as an example, because all opponents will be fired or have careers stunted.
    Anyway, this is funny:

  5. Top | #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by ronburgundy View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Toni View Post

    I am not doubting your experience but I will offer up: A lot of women are insecure, especially about online dating. An insecure person will often profess to like something in order to be accepted or liked. Women are persons. They may not be into rough stuff but may think that's what guys insist upon these days, kind of like removing all pubic hair. A disturbing number of teenage boys don't realize that girls/women are supposed to like sex--and a disturbing number of girls don't either or think there's something wrong with them if they don't like (whatever) or aren't ready for penetration before they're even kissed or touched. And a disturbing number of teenagers believe that a girl owes sex to a guy if he buys her dinner or takes her to the movies or asks her.

    I know you're not teenagers but consider what a woman who grew up with that kind of expectation might feel about guys who are doing online dating ?
    The 50%+ number is consistent with studies done with large samples of online daters (reporting their preferences anonymously, not just as part of their profile) and with academic research using more general samples (not just online daters).

    It isn't surprising. The brain doesn't have a "sexual arousal" network. It has a general arousal network, and arousal gets interpreted by the context. That's why even an intense fear experience can enhance sexual arousal in the right context.
    Obviously, real pain would likely pull most women out of sexual arousal, but most "rough" sex acts don't rise to that level.

    In addition, this University study of college students found that women reported reaching orgasm more quickly with rough sex, women who liked rough sex had sex more often, and there was no correlation between consensual rough sex and unwanted abuse in the relationship.

    Note that in the OP study, not only did 31% of women say the engaged in this rough sex and it was "never unwanted", but even the 37% of women who had experience unwanted rough acts were not women who didn't ever enjoy rough sex. They were merely women who said that "at least some" (but not all) of the rough acts they experienced were unwanted. Then the final third of the sample were women who'd never experienced it, but may or may not have wanted to. So, that means it is likely of around 50% of women in that sample who sometimes want some forms of rough sex. At the same time, the 37% "unwanted" shows that some men are either engaging in types of rough acts that women don't like and/or not making sure their partner wants it before they try it.
    Porn may not be giving unrealistic notions of women liking "rough sex" in general, so much as misrepresenting what types of rough sex they like and how to go about initiating it.

    It would be useful for research to use less broad categories of "rough" sex to identify those things that many vs. few women enjoy.
    For example, I wold predict that hair pulling and spanking are far more popular than "gagging" (using force on the back of a women's head during oral sex to the point where they are struggling to breathe and their eye's tear up).
    Ummmm It was a small sample but I would like to offer up that college guys aren't necessarily any good at sex. They are often impatient and self centered which does not make for a good sex partner. Also women tend to have better sex (more enjoyable for them) in context of a relationship rather than in random hook ups.

    And those women who 'reached orgasm more quickly during rough sex' may have indeed reached orgasm more quickly. Or they may have faked orgasm more quickly in order to stop being hurt. And: a whole bunch of young women don't actually know what it is to orgasm.

  6. Top | #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Toni
    Ummmm It was a small sample but I would like to offer up that college guys aren't necessarily any good at sex. They are often impatient and self centered which does not make for a good sex partner. Also women tend to have better sex (more enjoyable for them) in context of a relationship rather than in random hook ups.

    And those women who 'reached orgasm more quickly during rough sex' may have indeed reached orgasm more quickly. Or they may have faked orgasm more quickly in order to stop being hurt. And: a whole bunch of young women don't actually know what it is to orgasm.
    I totally agree, although I do think that most women know when they have their first orgasm, since female orgasm is so exciting and intense. And, it's not just college men that tend to be bad lovers, it's most men that are only interested in casual sex who tend to be awful lovers. I have known women who enjoyed casual sex, but based on numerous conversations that I've had with other women, I don't think most of us like casual sex.

    I had a lover for several months after my first marriage ended, who loved being a submissive. He totally enjoyed being dominated, so I obliged him. It was fun, although it was really his thing and not mine. How come we're not talking about men who like to be tied up and dominated by women? I don't think most people are into S/M or B/D, but as long as it's between two consensual, sane adults, it's none of my concern. Some people are kinky and others aren't.

    I tend to think that young women today may still have a problem telling their partners what they want and what they don't like. Women need to be more assertive and direct about what type of sexual experiences they enjoy. Sometimes people like to role play but I doubt that more than a small percentage want to be physically hurt during sex. I remember some girlfriends I had in nursing school who said they would be happy if all they ever got from their husbands was oral sex because it was so much more enjoyable than intercourse. Intercourse can be painful for a woman. Most women enjoy long periods of foreplay. It's like the Pointer Sisters song, "Slow Hand Man". "I want a man with a gentle touch. One who takes his time and isn't in a heated rush". I think that's probably how the majority of women still feel. It's not like our biology has changed in the past 40 years.

    Plus, females fantasize about all kinds of weird things that they would never, even want to actually experience. There were two books written in the 70s about female fantasies. All of the women who were interviewed for the books, said that they never wanted to live out these fantasies, but they enjoyed having them during sex, or while masturbating.

    Anyway, it's good to see people discussing sex. It's a topic that I think people should be more open about discussing.

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