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Thread: Overlooked Saints

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    Overlooked Saints

    The Vatican recognizes over 10,000 saints, so it can be difficult to know which one to petition for a specific need. Here is my list of the least appreciated patron saints. Each one is followed by, first, the saint's specialty; second, the preferred form of supplication; and last, the feast day for that saint. May your prayers be answered.

    Saint Buffy/tanning salons and dip dyes/3 votive candles and a choker necklace or charm bracelet (at least a Zales)/any day Tavern on the Green is open
    Saint Sigourney/Dutch braids (don't scoff, these can be murder)/eggnog votive candle and Viking hair clasp/Kerstfeest
    Saint Karen/confrontations with middle and upper mgmt. (I have prayed to her, and she gets the job done)/vanilla caramel votive candle and neck ring or longyi/Tax Freedom Day (She is the only saint who says 'Oh, Hell to the No' with a fey ghetto accent)
    Saint Bill/on-road tire repairs/Brut-scented votive candles and holy tire iron cross/any sandwich debut at BK
    Saint Waylon/frog gigging/LED headlamp for hardhat (in place of candles)/church potluck, your choice
    Saint Jeff/monogrammed polo shirts/Acqua di Gio votive candle and Clif Bar (especially Coffee Collection and no Crunchy Peanut Butter)/No feast day, watch that gluten

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    Damn you! I read this as "overbooked saints"!

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    Loony Running The Asylum ZiprHead's Avatar
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    Do Saint Larry.
    When conservatives realize they cannot win democratically, they will not abandon conservatism. They will abandon democracy.

    Poverty exists not because we cannot feed the poor but because we can't satisfy the rich.

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    Content Thief Elixir's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZiprHead View Post
    Do Saint Larry.
    As in the Saint Larry Seaway? Saint Larry University? What?
    How is he overlooked - or overbooked?

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    I always preferred Saint Curly, because of his mantra: "If at first you don't succeed, keep on suckin' 'til you do succeed!"

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    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ideologyhunter View Post
    Saint Karen/confrontations with middle and upper mgmt. (I have prayed to her, and she gets the job done)/vanilla caramel votive candle and neck ring or longyi/Tax Freedom Day (She is the only saint who says 'Oh, Hell to the No' with a fey ghetto accent)
    If there's a saint for Karens, is there a saint for managers?

    Saint Jerry /confrontations with people who can't read (As clearly stated in our return policy, printed on the back of your receipt)
    / (Traditional offerings) Proofs of purchase (ticket stubs, receipts, credit card statements)
    (New but increasingly popular) Masks, disinfectant, hand sanitizer

    / Black Friday (and up to four days after that, as long as you really meant to feast on that day, but something came up)

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