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Thread: Joke gallery

  1. Top | #1731
    Veteran Member C_Mucius_Scaevola's Avatar
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    A man is in a queue at the supermarket when he notices that the hot blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
    He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says

    "Sorry, do you know me?"

    She replies:

    "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!"
    His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful.
    "Christ!" he says, "are you that stripper on my stag night that I had sex with on the snooker table in front of all my mates while your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my arse?"
    "No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher ..."

  2. Top | #1732
    Veteran Member C_Mucius_Scaevola's Avatar
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  3. Top | #1733
    Elder Contributor angelo's Avatar
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    There's a thousand waiter jokes. Here's another............................


    A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
    "Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?"
    "What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

  4. Top | #1734
    Veteran Member Tigers!'s Avatar
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    My wife says I spend too much time on FaceBook.
    I unfriended her.
    NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

  5. Top | #1735
    Elder Contributor angelo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tigers! View Post
    My wife says I spend too much time on FaceBook.
    I unfriended her.
    Is that how you copped that shiner!

  6. Top | #1736
    Elder Contributor angelo's Avatar
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  7. Top | #1737
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    That Thomas Paine...he did a short set, but he always killed.

  8. Top | #1738
    Loony Running The Asylum ZiprHead's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angelo View Post
    Apparently irony is lost on you.
    When conservatives realize they cannot win democratically, they will not abandon conservatism. They will abandon democracy.

  9. Top | #1739
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    No, I take a multiple vitamin.

  10. Top | #1740
    Loony Running The Asylum ZiprHead's Avatar
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    The lotion bottle says to apply to area of irritation. So I slathered it all over my coworker Brenda.
    When conservatives realize they cannot win democratically, they will not abandon conservatism. They will abandon democracy.

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