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Thread: Joke gallery

  1. Top | #1501
    Elder Contributor angelo's Avatar
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    How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

    Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

  2. Top | #1502
    Sapere aude Politesse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angelo View Post
    How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

    Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
    You think that would embarrass an archaeologist? Oh, the stories I could tell out of field school....

  3. Top | #1503
    Veteran Member James Brown's Avatar
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    Several years ago, a man by the name of Ralph Poindexter came up with a new type of fastener. Naturally, he called it a Poindexter nut, but most people just referred to it as a P-nut.

    Well, a couple of years ago, one of the golf club companies developed a club that could be switched from a putter to a wedge by utilizing Poindexter's nut. One merely had to loosen the "P-nut", twist the head and--voila!--the putter became a sand wedge, or vice versa.

    The company called this new club

    a P-nut putter-sand wedge.


  4. Top | #1504
    Loony Running The Asylum ZiprHead's Avatar
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    ITMFA

    When conservatives realize they cannot win democratically, they will not abandon conservatism. They will abandon democracy.

    You submit to tyranny when you renounce truth. - Timothy Snyder

  5. Top | #1505
    Elder Contributor angelo's Avatar
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    “A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied. "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion.”

  6. Top | #1506
    Elder Contributor
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    A woman leaves the pharmacy just in time to catch her bus. She pays her fare, sits down and starts rummaging through her purse for the aspirin she bought. She begins to panic when she cannot find it and starts yelling "My aspirin, my aspirin". The bus driver responds "If it hurts that much lady, stick it out the window".

  7. Top | #1507
    Fair dinkum thinkum bilby's Avatar
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    How do you stop bacon rashers from curling in the pan?


    Take away their little brooms.


  8. Top | #1508
    Veteran Member George S's Avatar
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    I thought I finally found the Procrastination Club!
    Only after I joined I noticed that:

    It was the Prozacnation Club!


  9. Top | #1509
    Veteran Member Tigers!'s Avatar
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    I am writing a book called 'Great Australian Dumping Sites''.
    Does anyone have any tips?
    NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

  10. Top | #1510
    Super Moderator Atheos's Avatar
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    The Quick Thinking Brown Fox

    A brown fox somehow finds himself in the jungle. A lion spots him and thinks, "I've never seen his kind around here before but he looks quite edible." With that he starts bounding menacingly towards the fox.

    Seeing this in horror the brown fox notices some nearby fresh bones. He pretends to be finishing one off, then says, "That was some damn good lion meat but I'm still hungry. I wish another one would show up!"

    The lion stops in his tracks. "Whoa, he must be a lot tougher than he looks. I better get out of here while I can."

    A nearby monkey saw all this transpire from his tree. Thinking it would be nice to have the lion indebted to him he went to the lion and told him what had happened.

    The lion, enraged by this, said, "Hop on my back. We'll go get him together!"

    Seeing the lion approaching quickly with the monkey the brown fox figured out what must have happened. As they got within ear-shot he shouted, "Where the hell is that monkey? I sent him out for a fresh lion an hour ago!"

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