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Thread: Joke gallery

  1. Top | #1961
    Veteran Member Tigers!'s Avatar
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    You know you are getting old when a hangover lasts 3 days.

    (Speaking for a friend)
    NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

  2. Top | #1962
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    Or a hookup lasts 3 minutes.

  3. Top | #1963
    Veteran Member WAB's Avatar
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    Or when it takes you ten minutes to pee. Sitting down. And you're a guy.
    My name is Kit Marlowe. I was NOT killed in a bar in 1593. I came to this century in a time machine of my own design, to report to this advanced society the truth concerning the mysterious author of the plays of William Shakespeare...who...just happens to be me...

  4. Top | #1964
    Veteran Member Wiploc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WAB View Post
    Or when it takes you ten minutes to pee. Sitting down. And you're a guy.

    That's what Sudoku is for.

  5. Top | #1965
    Veteran Member WAB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wiploc View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by WAB View Post
    Or when it takes you ten minutes to pee. Sitting down. And you're a guy.

    That's what Sudoku is for.
    Aha!
    My name is Kit Marlowe. I was NOT killed in a bar in 1593. I came to this century in a time machine of my own design, to report to this advanced society the truth concerning the mysterious author of the plays of William Shakespeare...who...just happens to be me...

  6. Top | #1966
    Veteran Member James Brown's Avatar
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    Men who sit down to pee leave behind cleaner toilets.

    Or so I've heard.

  7. Top | #1967
    My Brane Hertz spikepipsqueak's Avatar
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    ... and have healthier prostates.

    No joke.

  8. Top | #1968
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    Two old-style formula jokes that were new to me:

    A new priest begins his first confession with a nervous housewife. She says, "Father, okay. Last night my husband, well, he went up my backside, and I know it's a sin if it can't lead to procreation." The priest says, "Stay with me on this. I'll just be a minute." He exits his side of the confesssional and says to an altar boy, "What did Father Pat used to give for sodomy?" The altar boy says, "A Snickers and a forty of Colt 45."

    Staying with Catholicism: three nuns troop into a liquor store and request a fifth of Scotch. The owner says, "I really don't feel right, selling liquor to the sisters." The first nun says, "This is medicinal, sir. Mother Superior has the constipation this evening." The owner says, "All right, then," and sells them the Scotch. He finishes up the night, locks the door, walks down the street, and sees the three sisters sitting on the curb, laughing, singing, totally trashed. He says, "And your story to me was, Mother Superior had constipation!" The first nun says, "That's right. And she's going to shit when she sees us!"

  9. Top | #1969
    Loony Running The Asylum ZiprHead's Avatar
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    When conservatives realize they cannot win democratically, they will not abandon conservatism. They will abandon democracy.

    Poverty exists not because we cannot feed the poor but because we can't satisfy the rich.

  10. Top | #1970
    Veteran Member George S's Avatar
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    h/t Jack Benny

    Two drunks are talking. The first says, "I got a poodle for my wife." After a long thoughtful pause the second says, "I wish I could get a trade like that!"

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