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Thread: Joke gallery

  1. Top | #1561
    Fair dinkum thinkum bilby's Avatar
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    The difference between men and women is that women like clothes.

    This is made clear when you realise that women's magazines are full of pictures of women wearing the latest clothes; While men's magazines are full of pictures of women NOT wearing the latest clothes.

  2. Top | #1562
    Veteran Member Tigers!'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by James Brown View Post
    Here's a good way to tell the difference between a man and a woman.

    Imagine the difference the following phrase means, when said by a man or a woman...


    What an ass!
    It might depend upon whether both are looking at a donkey too......
    NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

  3. Top | #1563
    Veteran Member Tigers!'s Avatar
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    i am so angry I cannot write one, one thousand, fifty-one, six and 50 in Latin.

    IM LIVID
    NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

  4. Top | #1564
    Loony Running The Asylum ZiprHead's Avatar
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    Boudreaux is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses other than his family to be present, and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes. When all is ready he begins to speak:
    My son, "Tee-Boud, I want you to take the Mayfair houses.
    My daughter "Joleene, you take the apartments over in the east end.
    My son, "Hebert, I want you to take the offices over in the City Center.
    Marie, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of
    the river.
    The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Boudreaux slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Boudreaux, your husband must have been a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
    Marie replies, "Property ?? .... the sorry son of a bitch had a newspaper route!"
    ITMFA

    When conservatives realize they cannot win democratically, they will not abandon conservatism. They will abandon democracy.

    You submit to tyranny when you renounce truth. - Timothy Snyder

  5. Top | #1565
    Elder Contributor angelo's Avatar
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    An Adults only joke.

    One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.

    “What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarrassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer.

    “Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”

    The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”

    The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”

    The little girl replies, “Because mommy, every time you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”

  6. Top | #1566
    Fair dinkum thinkum bilby's Avatar
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    You can prove anything with statistics.

    For example, it's a demonstrable fact that on average an Englishman's penis is (approximately) twice as long as an American's.


    Because approximately half of all Americans are women.


  7. Top | #1567
    Veteran Member Tigers!'s Avatar
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    NASA wanted to hold a 50th anniversary of the Apollo 11 landing on the moon itself.
    But doubts remained.
    They were worried that the party would lack atmosphere.
    NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

  8. Top | #1568
    Elder Contributor angelo's Avatar
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    Attached Images Attached Images

  9. Top | #1569
    Content Thief Elixir's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angelo View Post
    Which raises the question...
    Does being a member of the Flat Earth Society mean that you automatically deny global warming?

  10. Top | #1570
    Fair dinkum thinkum bilby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elixir View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by angelo View Post
    Which raises the question...
    Does being a member of the Flat Earth Society mean that you automatically deny global warming?
    Perhaps they just call it 'planetary warming'.

    But then, do Flat Earthers consider the Earth to be a planet? And if not, what do they think it is, and what do they think the other planets are?

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