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Thread: Joke gallery

  1. Top | #1631
    Veteran Member
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    Trump and the Pope die at the same instant. Trump has the system rigged so that the Pope goes to Hell and he goes to Heaven. But after two hours, there are mass protests among the progressive angels, and Trump's scheme is undone. Now, as the Pope rises up through the heavens, he sees Trump coming down. He spreads out his arms and shouts, "Hallelujah!! I am going to meet with the Holy Virgin!" As Trump plummets past, he mutters, "You're twenty minutes late, my friend."

  2. Top | #1632
    Fair dinkum thinkum bilby's Avatar
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    Attached Images Attached Images

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    Elder Contributor angelo's Avatar
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    “guy walks into a bar, and another guy says, "I slept with my wife before we were married. Did you?" The other guy says, "I don't know...what was her maiden name?”

  4. Top | #1634
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    What’s the difference between your cock and a bonus check?



    ANS: Your wife's always willing to blow your bonus.


  5. Top | #1635
    Veteran Member Tigers!'s Avatar
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    A lady writes on a balloon "Will you marry me?" and gives it to her boyfriend.

    He pops the question.
    NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

  6. Top | #1636
    Elder Contributor angelo's Avatar
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    A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"

  7. Top | #1637
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    In the spirit of the ongoing playoffs:

    What do baseball catchers call cunnilingus?


    Making a mound visit.


  8. Top | #1638
    Veteran Member James Brown's Avatar
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    A girl at my work has an incredibly unfortunate family. First, her mother's sister got knocked over by a cyclist and broke her leg. Then her uncle's wife fell down the stairs and broke her hip.

    The following week, her father's sister tripped over a loose paving stone and broke her arm. And a few days after that, her mother's sister-in-law broke her wrist playing squash.

    Not surprisingly, with all this worry, she's lost about two pounds in the last couple of months.

    On the plus side...


    ...she's now low in fat, and rich in auntie-accidents.


  9. Top | #1639
    Veteran Member James Brown's Avatar
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    Last week a guy tried to sell me a coffin.



    I told him that was the last thing I needed.

  10. Top | #1640
    Shrunken Member WAB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by James Brown View Post
    Last week a guy tried to sell me a coffin.



    I told him that was the last thing I needed.
    If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to a library. - Frank Zappa

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