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Thread: Joke gallery

  1. Top | #11
    Mrs Frizzle gmbteach's Avatar
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    Re: Joke gallery

    Quote Originally Posted by bilby View Post
    Two.

    But don't ask me how they got in there.

  2. Top | #12
    Fair dinkum thinkum bilby's Avatar
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    Re: Joke gallery

    A Helium atom walks into a bar.

    The barman says 'Sorry, we don't serve Noble Gasses here'.

    He doesn't react.

  3. Top | #13
    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    Re: Joke gallery

    A woman is visiting her parents over the holidays. One night, after dinner, she's helping her mother put the dishes away. Her mom is real adamant about certain dishes going in certain cabinets, and others kept in a separate one. The woman is surprised, as her parents were never terribly orthodox when she grew up.

    "Mom, when did you and dad start keeping Kosher?"

    "Kosher, smosher, everything in THIS cabinet your father can put in the microwave, everything in THAT cabinet he can't!"
    There may be no meaning to this world, but that does not mean that what I do is meaningless.
    -Mark Lawrence

  4. Top | #14
    Mrs Frizzle gmbteach's Avatar
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    Weight Loss Program

    A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

    The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

    She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

    Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.

    He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

    Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

    Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program.

    "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

    The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

    He lost 33 kilos that week.

  5. Top | #15
    Veteran Member TV and credit cards's Avatar
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    So, you've all heard of people who suffer from CRS (Can't Remember Shit). Do you know who the first person was to be diagnosed with CRS?
    Mr. Craft.

    Mr. CRAFT.
    Dwight

  6. Top | #16
    Veteran Member George S's Avatar
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    For those who haven't heard, Colorado just passed two laws -
    legalized gay marriage and legalized marijuana.
    The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense as Leviticus 20:13 says,
    "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."
    We just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!

  7. Top | #17
    Member Daioh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bilby View Post
    Two.

    But don't ask me how they got in there.
    That reminded me of the joke

    How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    2, it's getting them into the bulb thats the hard part

  8. Top | #18
    Super Moderator Atheos's Avatar
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    Q: Who's the most popular dude at the nudist colony?

    A: The one who can carry a dozen doughnuts and two cups of coffee.



    Q: Who's the most popular girl at the nudist colony?

    A: The one who can eat the last doughnut.

  9. Top | #19
    Elder Contributor Keith&Co.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TV and credit cards View Post
    So, you've all heard of people who suffer from CRS (Can't Remember Shit). Do you know who the first person was to be diagnosed with CRS?
    Mr. Craft.

    Mr. CRAFT.
    Okay, that took a second...

  10. Top | #20
    Member pegasus8's Avatar
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    Cool So We have To Keep It Clean Right?

    How come so many Italian submarines sank in WW2?

    Because someone forgot to close the screen door in the haul.

    What do they call the youngest daughter from a red neck family who keeps running away from home?

    A virgin.

    If a Pollock a Mexican and a Scotsman jumped off the Empire State Building at the same time, who would hit the ground first?

    Why the Scotsman silly. The Mexican would stop to write his name on the wall and the Pollock would miss.

    Peace people

    Pegasus

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